Now that the Bush administration’s mandate has been extended for another four years, President Bush has indicated that improving our image abroad will rank very high on his list of priorities. To that effect, he has commissioned the Department of Homeland Security to increase the flow of foreign tourism by adopting a catchy slogan for our country. A highly-placed source at the DHS, speaking on the condition of anonymity, confirmed the highly confidential list of options being considered at the present time.
10. Come see where your job used to live.
9. Our religious nuts only rarely kill people for violating their own particular interpretation of scripture.
8. How much weaker does the dollar need to get for you to visit? (no really, tell us)
7. Come for the loose morals, stay for the systematic erosion of civil liberties.
6. Give us your spry, your wealthy, your huddled masses yearning to buy commemorative shot glasses. And for God’s sake,
keep the Mexicans.
5. Visit America, or we’ll send our army to visit you.
4. America: Because you miss hereditary monarchies.
3. Forcing the world to adopt democracy since 1776.
2. Baby, I didn’t mean it… The CIA told me to do it.
1. America, byotch!
Sadly, this was from an unattributed forwarded email. If you know the origin of this, please let me know in the comments.