Day: January 19, 2005

I am going to make this short but sweet: The only weapons Pres. George W Bush has in his intellectual arsenal are book burning, brainwashing, and intimidation. That’s all he has, and he knows it. For complete details, I refer you to my forthcoming book on the subject. I shall here mention only a few random items that may be new or especially interesting to you. For instance, it is more than a purely historical question to ask, “How did his reign of terror start?” or even the more urgent question, “How might it end?”. No, we must ask, “Why does he want to inflict more death and destruction than Genghis Khan’s hordes?” Here’s the answer, albeit in a somewhat circuitous and roundabout style: He possesses no significant intellectual skills whatsoever and has no interest in erudition. Heck, he can’t even spell or define “erudition”, much less achieve it. To deny that Pres. Bush bases his treatises on the belief that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly is effrontive nonsense and political irresponsibility. It is nonsense because the horny and testy nature of his prank phone calls should indicate to us that something needs to be done. And it is irresponsible because someone has to be willing to summon up the courage to take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance. Even if it’s not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people’s feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that the cure for evil is more evil.

It’s amazing how apt an automatic complaint generator can be, in this case.

See Scott Pakin’s automatic complaint-letter generator or generate one specifically about our idiot-in-chief (I don’t recommend going to the White House web page and emailing it, though.)

Pretty funny…

Now that the Bush administration’s mandate has been extended for another four years, President Bush has indicated that improving our image abroad will rank very high on his list of priorities. To that effect, he has commissioned the Department of Homeland Security to increase the flow of foreign tourism by adopting a catchy slogan for our country. A highly-placed source at the DHS, speaking on the condition of anonymity, confirmed the highly confidential list of options being considered at the present time.

10. Come see where your job used to live.

9. Our religious nuts only rarely kill people for violating their own particular interpretation of scripture.

8. How much weaker does the dollar need to get for you to visit? (no really, tell us)

7. Come for the loose morals, stay for the systematic erosion of civil liberties.

6. Give us your spry, your wealthy, your huddled masses yearning to buy commemorative shot glasses. And for God’s sake,
keep the Mexicans.

5. Visit America, or we’ll send our army to visit you.

4. America: Because you miss hereditary monarchies.

3. Forcing the world to adopt democracy since 1776.

2. Baby, I didn’t mean it… The CIA told me to do it.

1. America, byotch!

Sadly, this was from an unattributed forwarded email. If you know the origin of this, please let me know in the comments.