My weird dietary habits

Things I don’t eat
1) Mushrooms or other “edible” fungi. Things that are that closely related to the gunk that grows on your feet are not food! (Yeast, used as a leavening or fermenting agent is fine. Marmite is probably out.)

2) Shellfish, worms, bugs, or other invertebrates. “Ewww, bugs!”

3) Most condiments
3a) Mayo or miracle whip is right out on anything.
3b) Non-honey mustard
3c) Most salad dressings. (Ranch or honey mustard is OK, as long as it’s not too thick and not mayo-based.)

4) Organ meats

5) Heads/claws/feet/hooves – and leaving those attached to otherwise yummy things makes them inedible until rectified.

6) Cuts where the bone-to-meat ratio is too high (ie, chicken wings, although good ribs are just low enough to qualify as food.)

7) Salmon, unless smoked.
7a) Any other fish, if prepared in a manner which leaves it “mushy.”

8 ) Sweet American cheese on a hamburger, unless it’s from a fast food place.

9) Diet sodas, except for Coke Zero.

10) Weird vegetables: artichokes, coliflower, eggplant, squash, pumpkin or anything else weird/gross looking or squash-like

11) Red onions.
11a) Other onions, if raw. (Raw non-red onions are OK on sandwiches and good on burgers, but are to be left on briefly for flavor and then removed before eating.)

12) Most non-wheat (whether whole or white) breads
12a) Regular “American” squishy loaves are really only good for toast or grilled cheese, too
12b) French-style loaves shouldn’t be squishy
12c) Whole-wheat bread shouldn’t taste sweetened.

13) Anything stir-fried

14) Coffee, or anything coffee flavored.

15) Anything except tea in hot black/green tea (although toasted rice is “tea” if it’s genmaicha)
15a) No sugar in iced tea unless there is a LOT of lemon, or it’s a sweetened milk tea
16b) No milk in tea except for the sweetened milk tea, ie from a boba place

16) Unsweatened “flavored” waters

17) Grapefruit or pomelo.

18) Un-pitted peaches, apricots or plums (although all three are yummy if pitted or if I’ve got a knife handy to do it myself.)

19) Solid tofu, or any tofu-based faux-meat. (Tofu or soy in things that are not faux-meat are fine if I can’t tell it’s there.)

(Previously posted on flyertalk OMNI, originally on Jun 18, 08; for those OMNI qualified, look for the “Your personal food rules” thread, which is particularly funny.)

One thought on “My weird dietary habits”

  1. OMG. You are such a freak. To see it all spelled out like that is frightening. #18 should say “all three are yummy if pitted for me” because there are plenty of times you’ve proven unwilling to eat fruits or veggies if I don’t cut them up for you.

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