CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
(and with both apologies and compliments, reproduced in its entirety below, as this is too funny and too sad…)
Dear Mr. American,
Good day and compliments.
I am HENRI PAULSON, the Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America, and the personal financial adviser to GEORGE W. BUSH (the eldest son of the former dictator of America, GENERAL GEORGE HUSSEIN WALKER BUSH).
This letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine the future and continued existence of the entire members of my country.
It is with deep sense of purpose and utmost sincerity that I have the privilege to write you this letter knowing full well how you will feel as regards to receiving a mail from somebody you have not met or seen before. There is no need to fear, I got your address from a Wall Street business directory which lends credence to my humble belief. I also assure you of my honesty and trustworthiness. I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
During the last Military Regime here in America, the Government officials set up companies and awarded themselves contracts which were grossly over-invoiced in various ministries. My country has had great crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of US$800,000,000,000.00 (eight hundred billion US dollars) in cash for safe-keeping. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be of most profitable for you.
I am working with the honourable MR. PHIL GRAMM, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As Senator, you may know him as leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s.
This is a matter of great urgence. We need a immediate blank cheque. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because as civil servants we are constantly under surveillance by Democratic members of Congress, the media, and the American public. My family lawyer, MR. RICK DAVIS, advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and we hope to commence the transfer latest seven (7) banking days from the date of the receipt of the following information: all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to email@example.com so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. This way we will use your country’s name to apply for payment in your name. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds. That’s all. Let me know what you think about this.
We are looking forward to doing this business with you and solicit your confidentiality in this transaction.
May Allah show you mercy as you do so?
Dr. Minister of Treasury Paulson